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+Network Working Group                                         B. Hancock
+Request for Comments: 1882       Network-1 Software and Technology, Inc.
+Category: Informational                                    December 1995
+
+
+               The 12-Days of Technology Before Christmas
+
+Status of this Memo
+
+   This memo provides information for the Internet community.  This memo
+   does not specify an Internet standard of any kind.  Distribution of
+   this memo is unlimited.
+
+Discussion
+
+   On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          A database with a broken b-tree (what the hell is a b-tree
+          anyway?)
+
+   On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          Two transceiver failures (CRC errors? Collisions? What is
+          going on?)
+          And a database with a broken b-tree (Rebuild WHAT? It's a
+          10GB database!)
+
+   On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          Three French users (who, of course, think they know
+          everything)
+          Two transceiver failures (which are now spewing packets all
+          over the net)
+          And a database with a broken b-tree (Backup? What backup?)
+
+   On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          Four calls for support (playing the same Christmas song over
+          and over)
+          Three French users (Why do they like to argue so much over
+          trivial things?)
+          Two transceiver failures (How the hell do I know which ones
+          they are?)
+          And a database with a broken b-tree (Pointer error? What's a
+          pointer error?)
+
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+Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 1]
+
+RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995
+
+
+   On the fifth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          Five golden SCSI contacts (Of course they're better than
+          silver!)
+          Four support calls (Ever notice how time stands still when on
+          hold?
+          Three French users (No, we don't have footpedals on PC's. Why
+          do you ask?)
+          Two transceiver failures (If I knew which ones were bad, I
+          would know which ones to fix!)
+          And a database with a broken b-tree (Not till next week? Are
+          you nuts?!?!)
+
+   On the sixth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          Six games a-playing (On the production network, of course!)
+          Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean "not terminated!")
+          Four support calls (No, don't transfer me again - do you HEAR?
+          Damn!)
+          Three French users (No, you cannot scan in by putting the page
+          to the screen...)
+          Two transceiver failures (I can't look at the LEDs - they're
+          in the ceiling!)
+          And a database with a broken b-tree (Norway? That's where this
+          was written?)
+
+   On the seventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          Seven license failures (Expired? When?)
+          Six games a-playing (Please stop tying up the PBX to talk to
+          each other!)
+          Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean I need "wide"
+          SCSI?)
+          Four support calls (At least the Muzak is different this
+          time...)
+          Three French Users (Well, monsieur, there really isn't an
+          "any" key, but...)
+          Two transceiver failures (SQE? What is that? If I knew I would
+          set it myself!)
+          And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I really need to talk
+          to Lars - NOW!)
+
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+
+Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 2]
+
+RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995
+
+
+   On the eighth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          Eight MODEMs dialing (Who bought these? They're a security
+          violation!)
+          Seven license failures (How many WEEKS to get a license?)
+          Six games a-playing (What do you mean one pixel per packet on
+          updates?!?)
+          Five golden SCSI contacts (Fast SCSI? It's supposed to be
+          fast, isn't it?)
+          Four support calls (I already told them that! Don't transfer
+          me back - DAMN!)
+          Three French users (No, CTL-ALT-DEL is not the proper way to
+          end a program)
+          Two transceiver failures (What do you mean "babbling
+          transceiver"?)
+          And a database with a broken b-tree (Does anyone speak English
+          in Oslo?)
+
+   On the ninth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          Nine lady executives with attitude (She said do WHAT with the
+          servers?)
+          Eight MODEMs dialing (You've been downloading WHAT?)
+          Seven license failures (We sent the P.O. two months ago!)
+          Six games a-playing (HOW many people are doing this to the
+          network?)
+          Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean two have the same
+          ID?)
+          Four support calls (No, I am not at the console - I tried that
+          already.)
+          Three French users (No, only one floppy fits at a time? Why do
+          you ask?)
+          Two transceiver failures (Spare? What spare?)
+          And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I am trying to find
+          Lars!  L-A-R-S!)
+
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+Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 3]
+
+RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995
+
+
+   On the tenth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What is that Godawful beeping?)
+          Nine lady executives with attitude (No, it used to be a mens
+          room? Why?)
+          Eight MODEMs dialing (What Internet provider? We don't allow
+          Internet here!)
+          Seven license failures (SPA? Why are they calling us?)
+          Six games a-playing (No, you don't need a graphics accelerator
+          for Lotus! )
+          Five golden SCSI contacts (You mean I need ANOTHER cable?)
+          Four support calls (No, I never needed an account number
+          before...)
+          Three French users (When the PC sounds like a cat, it's a head
+          crash!)
+          Two transceiver failures (Power connection? What power
+          connection?)
+          And a database with a broken b-tree (Restore what index
+          pointers?)
+
+   On the eleventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          Eleven boards a-frying (What is that terrible smell?)
+          Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What's a MIB, anyway? What's an
+          extension?)
+          Nine lady executives with attitude (Mauve? Our computer room
+          tiles in mauve?)
+          Eight MODEMs dialing (What do you mean you let your roommate
+          dial-in?)
+          Seven license failures (How many other illegal copies do we
+          have?!?!)
+          Six games a-playing (I told you - AFTER HOURS!)
+          Five golden SCSI contacts (If I knew what was wrong, I
+          wouldn't be calling!)
+          Four support calls (Put me on hold again and I will slash your
+          credit rating!)
+          Three French users (Don't hang your floppies with a magnet
+          again!)
+          Two transceiver failures (How should I know if the connector
+          is bad?)
+          And a database with a broken b-tree (I already did all of
+          that!)
+
+
+
+
+
+
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+
+Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 4]
+
+RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995
+
+
+   On the twelfth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+          Twelve virtual pipe connections (There's only supposed to be
+          two!)
+          Eleven boards a-frying (What a surge suppressor supposed to
+          do, anyway?)
+          Ten SNMP alerts flashing (From a distance, it does kinda look
+          like XMas lights.)
+          Nine lady executives with attitude (What do you mean aerobics
+          before backups?)
+          Eight MODEMs dialing (No, we never use them to connect during
+          business hours.)
+          Seven license failures (We're all going to jail, I just know
+          it.)
+          Six games a-playing (No, no - my turn, my turn!)
+          Five golden SCSI contacts (Great, just great! Now it won't
+          even boot!)
+          Four support calls (I don't have that package! How did I end
+          up with you!)
+          Three French users (I don't care if it is sexy, no more nude
+          screen backgrounds!)
+          Two transceiver failures (Maybe we should switch to token
+          ring...)
+          And a database with a broken b-tree (No, operator - Oslo,
+          Norway.  We were just talking and were cut off...)
+
+Security Considerations
+
+   Security issues are not discussed in this memo.
+
+Author's Address
+
+   Bill Hancock, Ph.D.
+   Network-1 Software & Technology, Inc.
+   DFW Research Center
+   878 Greenview Dr.
+   Grand Prairie, TX  75050
+
+   EMail: hancock@network-1.com
+   Phone: (214) 606-8200
+   Fax: (214) 606-8220
+
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+Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 5]
+