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authorThomas Voss <mail@thomasvoss.com> 2024-11-27 20:54:24 +0100
committerThomas Voss <mail@thomasvoss.com> 2024-11-27 20:54:24 +0100
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+Network Working Group B. Hancock
+Request for Comments: 1882 Network-1 Software and Technology, Inc.
+Category: Informational December 1995
+
+
+ The 12-Days of Technology Before Christmas
+
+Status of this Memo
+
+ This memo provides information for the Internet community. This memo
+ does not specify an Internet standard of any kind. Distribution of
+ this memo is unlimited.
+
+Discussion
+
+ On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ A database with a broken b-tree (what the hell is a b-tree
+ anyway?)
+
+ On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ Two transceiver failures (CRC errors? Collisions? What is
+ going on?)
+ And a database with a broken b-tree (Rebuild WHAT? It's a
+ 10GB database!)
+
+ On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ Three French users (who, of course, think they know
+ everything)
+ Two transceiver failures (which are now spewing packets all
+ over the net)
+ And a database with a broken b-tree (Backup? What backup?)
+
+ On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ Four calls for support (playing the same Christmas song over
+ and over)
+ Three French users (Why do they like to argue so much over
+ trivial things?)
+ Two transceiver failures (How the hell do I know which ones
+ they are?)
+ And a database with a broken b-tree (Pointer error? What's a
+ pointer error?)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+Hancock Informational [Page 1]
+
+RFC 1882 12-Days of Technology Before Christmas December 1995
+
+
+ On the fifth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ Five golden SCSI contacts (Of course they're better than
+ silver!)
+ Four support calls (Ever notice how time stands still when on
+ hold?
+ Three French users (No, we don't have footpedals on PC's. Why
+ do you ask?)
+ Two transceiver failures (If I knew which ones were bad, I
+ would know which ones to fix!)
+ And a database with a broken b-tree (Not till next week? Are
+ you nuts?!?!)
+
+ On the sixth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ Six games a-playing (On the production network, of course!)
+ Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean "not terminated!")
+ Four support calls (No, don't transfer me again - do you HEAR?
+ Damn!)
+ Three French users (No, you cannot scan in by putting the page
+ to the screen...)
+ Two transceiver failures (I can't look at the LEDs - they're
+ in the ceiling!)
+ And a database with a broken b-tree (Norway? That's where this
+ was written?)
+
+ On the seventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ Seven license failures (Expired? When?)
+ Six games a-playing (Please stop tying up the PBX to talk to
+ each other!)
+ Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean I need "wide"
+ SCSI?)
+ Four support calls (At least the Muzak is different this
+ time...)
+ Three French Users (Well, monsieur, there really isn't an
+ "any" key, but...)
+ Two transceiver failures (SQE? What is that? If I knew I would
+ set it myself!)
+ And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I really need to talk
+ to Lars - NOW!)
+
+
+
+
+
+
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+
+
+
+
+
+
+Hancock Informational [Page 2]
+
+RFC 1882 12-Days of Technology Before Christmas December 1995
+
+
+ On the eighth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ Eight MODEMs dialing (Who bought these? They're a security
+ violation!)
+ Seven license failures (How many WEEKS to get a license?)
+ Six games a-playing (What do you mean one pixel per packet on
+ updates?!?)
+ Five golden SCSI contacts (Fast SCSI? It's supposed to be
+ fast, isn't it?)
+ Four support calls (I already told them that! Don't transfer
+ me back - DAMN!)
+ Three French users (No, CTL-ALT-DEL is not the proper way to
+ end a program)
+ Two transceiver failures (What do you mean "babbling
+ transceiver"?)
+ And a database with a broken b-tree (Does anyone speak English
+ in Oslo?)
+
+ On the ninth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ Nine lady executives with attitude (She said do WHAT with the
+ servers?)
+ Eight MODEMs dialing (You've been downloading WHAT?)
+ Seven license failures (We sent the P.O. two months ago!)
+ Six games a-playing (HOW many people are doing this to the
+ network?)
+ Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean two have the same
+ ID?)
+ Four support calls (No, I am not at the console - I tried that
+ already.)
+ Three French users (No, only one floppy fits at a time? Why do
+ you ask?)
+ Two transceiver failures (Spare? What spare?)
+ And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I am trying to find
+ Lars! L-A-R-S!)
+
+
+
+
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+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+Hancock Informational [Page 3]
+
+RFC 1882 12-Days of Technology Before Christmas December 1995
+
+
+ On the tenth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What is that Godawful beeping?)
+ Nine lady executives with attitude (No, it used to be a mens
+ room? Why?)
+ Eight MODEMs dialing (What Internet provider? We don't allow
+ Internet here!)
+ Seven license failures (SPA? Why are they calling us?)
+ Six games a-playing (No, you don't need a graphics accelerator
+ for Lotus! )
+ Five golden SCSI contacts (You mean I need ANOTHER cable?)
+ Four support calls (No, I never needed an account number
+ before...)
+ Three French users (When the PC sounds like a cat, it's a head
+ crash!)
+ Two transceiver failures (Power connection? What power
+ connection?)
+ And a database with a broken b-tree (Restore what index
+ pointers?)
+
+ On the eleventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ Eleven boards a-frying (What is that terrible smell?)
+ Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What's a MIB, anyway? What's an
+ extension?)
+ Nine lady executives with attitude (Mauve? Our computer room
+ tiles in mauve?)
+ Eight MODEMs dialing (What do you mean you let your roommate
+ dial-in?)
+ Seven license failures (How many other illegal copies do we
+ have?!?!)
+ Six games a-playing (I told you - AFTER HOURS!)
+ Five golden SCSI contacts (If I knew what was wrong, I
+ wouldn't be calling!)
+ Four support calls (Put me on hold again and I will slash your
+ credit rating!)
+ Three French users (Don't hang your floppies with a magnet
+ again!)
+ Two transceiver failures (How should I know if the connector
+ is bad?)
+ And a database with a broken b-tree (I already did all of
+ that!)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+Hancock Informational [Page 4]
+
+RFC 1882 12-Days of Technology Before Christmas December 1995
+
+
+ On the twelfth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
+ Twelve virtual pipe connections (There's only supposed to be
+ two!)
+ Eleven boards a-frying (What a surge suppressor supposed to
+ do, anyway?)
+ Ten SNMP alerts flashing (From a distance, it does kinda look
+ like XMas lights.)
+ Nine lady executives with attitude (What do you mean aerobics
+ before backups?)
+ Eight MODEMs dialing (No, we never use them to connect during
+ business hours.)
+ Seven license failures (We're all going to jail, I just know
+ it.)
+ Six games a-playing (No, no - my turn, my turn!)
+ Five golden SCSI contacts (Great, just great! Now it won't
+ even boot!)
+ Four support calls (I don't have that package! How did I end
+ up with you!)
+ Three French users (I don't care if it is sexy, no more nude
+ screen backgrounds!)
+ Two transceiver failures (Maybe we should switch to token
+ ring...)
+ And a database with a broken b-tree (No, operator - Oslo,
+ Norway. We were just talking and were cut off...)
+
+Security Considerations
+
+ Security issues are not discussed in this memo.
+
+Author's Address
+
+ Bill Hancock, Ph.D.
+ Network-1 Software & Technology, Inc.
+ DFW Research Center
+ 878 Greenview Dr.
+ Grand Prairie, TX 75050
+
+ EMail: hancock@network-1.com
+ Phone: (214) 606-8200
+ Fax: (214) 606-8220
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+Hancock Informational [Page 5]
+